Anono-Momma Thanksgiving

Let's just start this out by saying, I was young. I was sooooo young. I think I was only 21. My new husband and I were just starting out and we were enjoying playing house so much, I thought it would be fun to do Thanksgiving at our new place and invite my family to our house.

Doesn't that sound exciting?

We had just moved to another state, so the only people who could actually make the trip was my Mom and my Grandma. But still, so excited! My first Thanksgiving! I did so much research...looked in magazines...read Betty Crocker (this was before the internet folks). Made my list, and off to the store to get all my supplies.

Oh...and did I mention I was pregnant? With our first child...

My Mom and Grandma flew in on Thanksgiving Day. Dear Hubby tidied up the house while I tirelessly worked on dinner. Got the turkey in the oven, pies made the night before and we were off to pick up my Mom and Grandma from the airport.

Oh Joyous reunion! So happy! We must hurry home to our scrumptious feast! All I had left to do was make mashed potatoes and green bean casserole. The turkey should be just about finished by the time we get home. Perfect!

We got home, I rushed in the door, excitedly opened the oven to show my Mom and Grandma my newly discovered cooking skills and there it was!

Wait...what?

The turkey....it is still pink....and COLD.

Shoot! I need a diversion! Can't show THIS turkey...not now at least. "Wine anyone?" Oh, yes! Mom and Grandma happily accept. So, now as I begin peeling the potatoes I am updating everyone on everything hubby and I have done to the place, but in doing so, I am holding back hormonal tears as I am trying to not let on to what is going on with the turkey. At which point, my Mom offers her help. She opens the oven and seems perplexed.

She reaches in...feels the turkey. "Honey, this thing is COLD!" "I know" I reply, "It has been cooking since this morning, I think we are just a little behind schedule, maybe it will be done in an hour...just enough time for the potatoes and I will pop the casserole in afterwards."

"How long did you thaw it?"she asks. "Thaw it? I didn't thaw it, I put it in frozen this morning."

At this point, she tells me it will never be ready...well today at least. Who knew you were supposed to thaw a turkey? Why in the world would they sell it to you frozen? I never read about thawing it....Come on Betty Crocker...where was that in the book??? And now the tears are flowing. "Oh honey, it is okay....I will take care of this, sit down with Grandma." So, off I go, out of the kitchen.

As we are trying to figure out what we are going to do, Grandma starts telling stories. Apparently the glass of wine and lack of food are starting to get to her because her stories aren't exactly...how should I say it? "Grandma-ey stories" I am starting to get a little embarassed because my husband doesn't know her all that well yet....as she begins recalling one particular story about newly hatched chickens.

Meanwhile my Mom is frantically calling every grocery store, and restaurant in the area and nothing is open...nothing. Until she comes across a pizza place...pizza? L.A.M.E. I feel like such a total failure now.

Now, back to Grandma's story. It was winter and apparently it is too cold in the winter for the baby chicks outside. So they kept them inside, in the oven? This is going downhill and fast. They kept the oven on very low to keep them warm. When her Mom forgot. Yes, forgot. Turned the oven up to warm it up because she had some baking to do. When she felt it was sufficiently warm, she opened the oven to a tray full of fried chicks. And now Grandma laughs. Like big belly laughs. She spills her wine. Grandma is drunk. Dead chicks aren't funny. But Grandma is laughing.

What are we doing? Well, we are waiting for pizza and looking for some crackers for poor drunk story telling Grandma....

The pizza came....2 1/2 hours later....

Nobody has been to my house for Thanksgiving since.

(We also now wait for the food to serve the wine....)

- Betty Crocker Wannabe (reader submitted)

Anyone else have a horrible thanksgiving story they would like to share? Click comment below :)