Screacher Plays Dead

Every evening, we give Screacher and Scrappy a bath...one night, I hid behind the bathroom counter and jumped out at the kiddos and scared them. They squealed and ran away with delight asking "again!", "again!" Well, after a couple times, Screacher started falling to the floor, and playing dead. That's right folks, D.E.A.D. on her own. So we started filming it...to document the hilarity that insues in our blessed household.

For your entertainment pleasure....here you go folks.

Here is Screacher and Scrappy...NOT playing dead...LOL

-Sister Scrappy

Kids through the years.

Right now Scrappy Doo is on a trash throwing-away frenzy. He loves to do it. He finds random pieces of paper...or anything
he feels is trash...and puts it in the garbage. He will pick something up, look at me, say "trash?" If I say "yes" it is a green light! Go! And off he races to the trash can.

Sometimes, this can be annoying when finding a shoe in the trash...etc...but, he actually WANTS to help.

Now that I have teens in the house, I will relish in my little Scrappy's willingness to help...

Because I now understand the secret.

If you don't understand it yet.

Let me fill you in....

Age 2- "Can I throw this away Mommy?"

Age 5- "I don't know why there is a candy wrapper under my pillow"

Age 7- "Can I earn money for taking out the garbage?"

Age 10- "I didn't know the garbage can was full."

Age 13- Sees can is full when they go to put trash in, but just push it down.

Age 16- Well shoot, you can just insert an eye roll here.

Now...let's asess the clothes situation.

Age 2- "I want to wear my giraffe pj's...Nooooo not the blue ones! The giraffe ones!" So us Mom's are on a mission of daily laundry to keep the prized pj's clean...

Age 4- "I don't care that it is 40 degrees outside, I ONLY wear skirts Mommy! Pants bug my legs!" So us Mom's are in a constant tight-buying/washing frenzy.

Age 10- I don't know why there is no underwear in the dirty laundry....ummmm yeah.

Age 13- "Can you do some laundry? I haven't had clean socks in two weeks!" (Scooter actually said this to me....why I didn't know it two weeks prior will always be a mystery.

Age 16- "I don't know why all my clean laundry is on the floor MOM..." And let's just go right ahead and insert another eye roll here too.

Notice Scrappy is wearing "giraffe pj's" I am quietly giving myself a pat on the back here...

- Sister Scrappy

SuperMom

There is a funny, fuzzy line between asking for help, and offering up help.

I wonder sometimes, what this is about us? Do we really think we are 'Super Mom' and can do it all? I am quite sure that I am by far, NOT super mom. I just feel weak or feel like I am a burden to others if I ask for help or if I accept other's offers of help.

This is what is always going through the back of my mind...Heck, I made these f.i.v.e. kids, and I knew darn well what I was getting into with it, so I might as well wallow in it right?

My bed = I should lay in it? Right?

Don't I know how babies are made anyways? Geez... you'd think I would know when to stop already.

Here is the typical attitude I have run into in regards to our bountiful family...

When I had....

1 = Ahhh so great, when are you having another?

2 = Perfect! Now you have two, you should stop.

3 = You really have your hands full, are you done?

4 = Wow, do you know how babies are made? You really cannot handle anymore! You are done, right?

5 = Glad it's you and not me. I cannot even imagine that many. How do you do it all? NOW are you done? You aren't having anymore ARE you?

So you can see why it is a very difficult thing for me to not pretend sometimes that I am SuperMom. And why other times people might perceive me as being SuperMom. But really, most of the times, I just laugh and cry my way through this life with five kiddos.

Did I mention that they are funny?

A gift from god?

Loving?

Kind?

My heart?

That I am a better person because of them?

That I cannot imagine life without them and would not change this journey, not one tiny part of it?

Having said that; is a Mom with 1 kid any less blessed then me? NOPE!

How about a Mom with oh...let's say 15 kids? Should she be scorned and not offered help or love? NOPE! How about a woman who is NOT a mom (either by choice or circumstance), is she not worthy of our friendship, time, energy, help? Of course she is!

We as women need to stand up and stop judging our sisters of their choices or circumstances and love one another. Lift one another up and empower one another to be a gift to those around us.

Now my friends...Here is where you fit in, please take just 2 minutes and comment on this blog post. Let us know how YOU help your sisters around you?!

Meals to those who are sick?
Help run an errand?
Drop off and pick up from school?

Any small or large gesture you do for those around you, we want to hear about it. By posting these concepts you may spark the desire in others to go ahead and pay it forward, and help someone.

Be a gift today...our tomorrows are not promised.

With love... Pester

Anono-Momma....Preggo Brain with Pets

One of the best, (hear the sarcasm?), parts of pregnancy is the ability to forget anything and everything.

This stems into all facets of life.

"Did I eat breakfast today?"
"When did I last brush my teeth?"
"Do I have a Dr.'s appt. today?"
"Did I pick my kid up from school yet?"

Seriously, this is how it is; no sugar coating it, you loose your mind and gain the infamous pregnancy brain.

The biggest problem with this scenario is if you have pets and/or kids. If you do...God help them. Because they are on their own. They are lucky if you can remember to change a diaper, let alone feed them.

Occasionally you will start to wonder....when was the last time they had a bath?  Sniff, sniff.... they kinda smell.  Let me investigate....I see dirt smudges on their knees, fuzz between their toes, and their hair is crunchy at the ends from breakfast of pancakes and syrup (F.O.U.R. days ago)... it's time for another bath!

Yep, you ALL know what I am talking about.
...you know you do, (whether you want to admit it or not).

In my pregnancies I have a tendancy to not want to take in any new information. With this intake...there is always a loss/output. You catch yourself wondering, what important information am I going to lose if I take in something new? AND what if it is something important...like one of my kids names??? No, really... I am TOTALLY serious, I have wondered that.

When I was pregnant with baby #4, I was sicker than I'd ever been before. I had been throwing up for weeks, with no reprieve. Thankfully, my brilliant O.B. prescribed a special little 'magic pill' called Zofran. This magical pill almost starts working instantly;  and the minute it hits your system, you feel like a human being again, (well, at least for about four hours).

Zofran IS my best friend during pregnancy.

One morning, I woke up in a haze of gagging fits, excessive saliva, lack of coffee, hair askew, and kiddos clamoring for breakfast. With an impending vomit-fest looming ahead of me, I desperately searched for my "magic-human" pill. It was still dark...but with my three other kids already awake, sleep wasn't on my radar. This had been the beginning of my days since I found out I was pregnant. Now my relaxing morning coffee, was officially replaced with a frantic search for the "magic-human" pill.

Did I mention we have a dog?
(It's kinda important to this story).
Let's name him Fluffy.

Fluffy has epilepsy. Fluffy also gets a daily "magic" pill. If Fluffy misses a pill...Fluffy has seizures.

So, as I sift through the medication drawer in my haze, I find Fluffy's pills and mine. EUREKA!  I will give him his now too, so I won't forget! I am so smart, (I think to myself), I really have a handle on things this pregnancy.

I give him his, and then I take mine.

And....we wait....

Ughhhh...."Why is my magic-human pill not working today???"

Puke, puke, more puke...
Grumbling, I think, "I don't have time for this!"

Meanwhile...Fluffy has a seizure.
What in the world?

Now, let me explain something, Fluffy's seizures are not dangerous. This is not a major condition. It is just something we deal with, actually quite often.
...so don't you worry about Fluffy folks.

I give him another pill.

And at the same time, I am wondering, what in the world, about me!

My "magic-human" pill is still not working. Why? oh why???

Then it hits me!

"OHHH NOOO!!!"

I frantically call the O.B.....and with a shrill sound in my voice I say, shakingly....."Hello...this is Anono-Momma...I accidentally took my dog's anti-seizure medicine instead of my magic-human pill this morning!!!", fighting tears, I wait, cringing for his response.

To my surprise, thankfully, he assures me that everything is okay! His medication, is actually the same pill humans take when they have epilepsy.

My next question of course to him is "Will it hurt my baby?"

His response, "It is fiiiiine.....you are fine...and guess what? You won't have any seizures today!"  (Ha, ha, ha... you are sooooooo funny Mister O.B.!  AND apparently fluffy won't be nauseous for the next 4 hours, either.)

Fabulous,  now that we have that problem figured out, where the heck is my magic-human pill again?

Pregnancy Brain at it's best.

~Preggo Brain Momma
(Reader Submitted)

Candy Coma, Crap Costumes, and Crazies everywhere Holiday

That's right peeps... that special time of year is almost here! I can see it everywhere. Literally. It is like a twisted form of Christmas that has vomited EVERYWHERE and seems to be transforming our neighborhood and the stores.

Every year we get sucked in...
We buy candy, LOTS of candy. We dress up, yup pretty much all of us. One year we were a farm family. I was a cow (with udders on the front) Mister was a farmer, Mega was a sheep dog, and Sasso was a lil piggy! Every time I turned around Mega was literally trying to suck on one of my utters! NO JOKE! She was about 4.5 at the time. Back then we bought costumes, crap costumes, and they would always fall apart! So frustrating when your kiddos are obsessive and they want to wear them 24x7. And how about those Crazies?! Holy heck it can be a fun little people watching exercise, now can't it?

One year we went trick-or-treating in an old down town that had shut off the street. All the businesses participated and were shut down for the evening and passing out candy. We saw just up ahead that there was a CREEPY man pretending to be a character out of the living dead jump out at people as they walked passed the ally. I think "Oh, he won't jump at my kids".... As we approach, he goes to jump out and instead Miss Sasso (she was 6 at the time) came charging at him (she was a black panther) and growled, scratched and did a great cat scream. He pretended to fall backwards and faint. SHE LAUGHED SO HARD!

This year I SWORE, I would not buy candy before Halloween. It is not a good thing to have a couple 3 lb bags hanging around in the this house. NONE of us have any will power. It is an ugly scene of carnage. Wrappers hidden and not hidden throughout the house. The dwindling bag of the picked over candy growing smaller and smaller, much to our disgust in ourselves and the dismaying thought, "CRAP, now I have to go and buy MORE candy, or those little trick-or-treaters might decide to trick us and paper our house or something!"

For the past month, my kids have been begging for a new costume . Normally, we say No, and just grab out of the costume bin. (Yes, we have 5 kids and we are lucky enough to get 'handy downs' as Sasso likes to call them). For the past 3 years Sasso has in fact been some sort of Cowgirl, riding a horse. She is infatuated with horses and being a real in life Cowgirl, I guess she is projecting. :-)

The other girls have picked through our bins and chosen various forms of princesses or fairy tale heros.

Let's take a little strolloorsky through memory lane if you will.

Here is the carnage from previous Halloweens....

2008

Best shot I could get of all 4! LOL. (Queenie had pnuemonia and was barely able to smile and didn't get to trick-or-treat that year, but her sissies got her a bag full of candy. Mega a dead prom queen, Sasso Cowgirl of course, Queenie sleeping beauty, Pint tinker of course.

Sasso... yes horsie theme.

ahhh look at little Pint. She was tinker bell with pink spray on her hair.

2009

Mega was a Renasaince Princess on Roller Blades. Sasso Cowgirl! Queenie Snow white with pink spray hair, and Pint.... tinker belle again! With hot pink hair!! Bawhahahah. We got to only trick or treat a bit, cause Momma was newly pregnant with Bubba and I was enjoying the 24 hour pukefest.

ahhh much better shot this year! They are such a crack up!

Sasso LOVED her costume that year!

2010

This year Miss Sassofrass was in the hospital due to her Cystic Fibrosis. She had a PICC line in her arm and got a 2 hour pass to go across the street to trick-or-treat with her sissies. She had to wear a mask for her protection.... Look at the theme here. Mega prom queen again. Sasso another Cow girl! Queenie another fairy tell princess, (I think this was belle), and pint... she is wearing the same sleeping beauty costume that Queenie was wearing just 2 years before! HA!

Nothing more fun the hospital elevator to go downstairs and break outta that joint!

HEY! OPEN THE DOOR WE WANT CANDY!!!

And Miss Sasso after her sissies went home, happy with her trick or treat adventure!

This year, she chose not to be a Cowgirl. GASP!!! How can that be?
She decided she wanted to be an Angel and wanted to walk The PEST (her pup, the lunatic Alaskan Malamute, um yeah that isn't happening girl.... SORRY), and have him be the devil.
However, when we got to the store, and we wandered into the Costume isle, I spied with my pretty little eyes....

THE BEST COWGIRL COSTUME IN ALL OF HISTORY!

This is NOT Sasso by the way, but is her costume.

I proceeded to BEG my child to get that costume, instead of the angel one! I then told her that we could have THE BOSS (our great dane), wear a saddle and he could be her horse!

SOLD!

She took it hook, line and sinker.

Score 1 for crazy Momma Pester (who really shouldn't care, but apparently cared a bunch) = Score 4 for Miss Sasso who yet again is a Cowgirl on Halloween.

..... wait a minute.... did I get played?

Tongue Exercises

Let's rewind the clock...about 8ish or so years. Would you believe Pester and I actually lived in the same town?! I know, crazy, right? Who actually lives in the same town as their best friend anymore? That is so yesterday...LOL.

Anyways, when we got together it was an instant party. Our kids loved each other, we could totally hang out and let the kids run amuck together. This particular summer afternoon was no different than any other.

We were in my backyard, eating chips, drinking pepsi...
(you will, I am sure learn this is a constant theme )
..... the kids were in and out of the kiddie pool and on the swingset.

Everyone is having a ball.

In order for you to understand this story, you have to understand that we all have our quirks, (some more than others). For me, things have to be "just so". This extends into my backyard. The plants I nurtured and cultivated from infancy were off limits as far as touching was to go. (My "just so" tendencies have waned some with the addition of more children...since they can kinda wear you down). Pesters kiddos knew my "quirks" and tried their hardest to abide...yet sometimes being kids, it is ever so hard.

On this particular day, Mega was kinda "zoning in" on a particular set of flowers, and could not, (hard as she tried) "zone out" of them.

So she began to pick away at the flowers merrily, putting one behind the ear of all the children, smiling at me so I could see what a good deed she was doing. Secretly, my insides were kind of turning, (and I think she knew that), but how could I tell her to stop? She is so stinkin' cute! So, when she comes and puts one in my ear and her Momma's ear we say "Thank you" and give her a hug.

Then she decides the animals needed one. Ack! The buzzer is going OFF in my brain!

"Must take action!" it is saying. "Mega, that is enough, Auntie Scrappy wants to be able to look at her pretty flowers and if we pick them all, there won't be any left." I say to her ever-so sweetly. She looks at me, kind of cocks her head to the side and I will be honest, it was a little bit of a stare down. Between me and a 4 year old. She slowly moves her foot (without taking her eyes off me, to even look where her foot is going) towards the flowers. When she feels the softness underfoot, she realizes, she just hit GOLD. She plucks another one, b.e.t.w.e.e.n her toes! I tell you, this kid is brilliant!

Pester and I both start laughing so hard...then she realizes what she just did was

cute...so she plucks another.

Now, Pester says "Mega, Auntie Scrappy loves her flowers, you MUST stop!"

At this point, she runs off towards the swingset and jumps on with the other kids. We are both rolling in laughter, when out of the corner of my eye....I see her staring me down again. I look at her and she sticks her tongue out and starts blowing raspberries at me! Literally, spit flying everywhere, she is doing it in style! Huh? I tell Pester what just happened and we now are seriously trying to not laugh out loud and encourage this, but she is hysterical.

Then...she does it AGAIN!!! Only this time Pester sees. She says "Mega! Don't you dare stick your tongue out at your Auntie Scrappy!"

To which she replies....,"What? I was just doing my tongue exercises!"

OMG....I just love Mega!

-Sister Scrappy
Target, Mom, Mom's, Kid's, Holiday

Anono-Momma...What kind of children's books do you keep in your house?

My little darling, (let's call her Rascal for all intensive purposes), was in kindergarten. She was always getting into things; particularly things she knew she wasn't supposed to get into. One of the biggest "off-limit" items was our one-car detached garage.

At some point, Rascal found her way into our "off limits" garage and happened upon a stack of VERY old Playboy magazine's from the 60's my Dad had collected. I somehow had became the owner of them several years before. Rascal of course was fascinated by them, so she grabs one and scampered off, hiding it in her room. Unbeknownst to me of course.

Well, along comes share day, (you see where this is going, don't you)? I usually screen what they are sharing. However,  on this particular day Rascal's big sister was having a melt-down over the clothes she was wearing and my pre-schooler was begging for her favorite breakfast (pancakes). I asked Rascal what she was bringing for share day and she told me her favorite doll. Okay...no worries, right? WRONG.

Towards the end of the day I get a call from the principle asking me to come down to the school for "A Meeting."

 ( I swear this is like something out of the show "The Middle") 

I ask if everything is okay? He assures me no one is hurt and everything is okay, however, he just needs to discuss a "delicate situation" with me. Thinking the worst, that maybe Rascal had peed her pants or something.  I hurry down to the school ready to hug my little darling, and tell her this happens to everyone...etc. etc...Only to walk into the office and be confronted with the principle whipping out a Playboy Magazine MY daughter brought to school for show-and-tell.

I was speechless!

I got a bit of a lecture about inappropriate reading content in the home. I tried to explain they came from my "off limits" garage...
Not IN the house, blah, blah, blah, but he really didn't seem to care.

THEN, here comes the best part...as if trying to call my bluff...
He asks, "Do you want it back??"

"No! Are you kidding? Trash it!" Red-faced and chastened, I left the principal's office and proceeded to ask Rascal about it when she came home from school.

"Mommy, there are pretty ladies in it", Rascal tells me.
......Ummmm, okay.
Again, left speechless.

Luckily, as far as Playboy goes, at least it was from the 60's.
...just topless woman...but STILL!
Playboy?
For sharing?
In a kindergarten class?
M.O.R.T.I.F.I.E.D.

-Momma to Rascal
(Reader Submitted)

*Just a random thought... I wonder if the Principal actually did throw away that collectors Playboy Magazine?  Makes you go hmmmmm. 

Ever tried to sell a house......with kids???

In 2005 we were packing and selling our house. As you all know, selling a house when you have small children can be quite the challenge. Keeping the juice cups out of the way and the toys off the floor and the beds made, or how about when a client wants to see the house during nap time? Awesome!

Usually we would flee the premises, but on this day, the client had to come during Super's nap, and anyone who knows Super knows, you don't mess with her nap. So, we were stuck. Mister was at work and me alone with the three (at the time) kids by myself during our little 'angel's' nap.

I stood outside so nobody would knock or ring the door bell. I see the silver mercedes pull into the drive, that must be them! Right away I saw it was a husband and wife with ONE child. And she was still a baby, dressed to the nines. Shoes and all. The wife was wearing heals, the husband a suit. Clearly on their lunch break from their high profile jobs. Oh Jeez, is my house even clean enough? I hope they don't see the dog gnaw marks on my couch and wonder if there are gnaw marks somewhere on the house itself.

I feel the stress mounting........

I let them walk around (ask them to just peek into Super's room) and take the other two littles into the backyard to give the realtor and her clients some privacy.

Eventually they make their way to the backyard. We had an awesome backyard, really the jewel of the house, tons of oak trees, huge rocks and a seasonal stream that flowed only when it rained. But we had landscaped all around it, even built a beautiful bridge to go over it. Meanwhile, Scooter is jumping off a rock in the backyard. Let me explain something, this rock is like 8 ft tall. Scooter is only like 6 years old. But if you know Scooter, you know that is NORMAL. They look at me like I have gone and lost my mind. I look right back and let them know, I let go of my mind long ago. Whatevs....(Insert eye roll here)

As they stood and were pointing at this and that (because it really was so beautiful) they asked about the stream.

Before I could even open my mouth, Scooter pipes up "Yeah, it floods! It's dangerous, if you have kids, keep them out of the backyard!" What?????? I am giving him, the I might kill you if you don't shut your mouth look, but does he stop? No! He looks at me and says "What? It's true, you wouldn't let US come out here."

It had recently rained for 3 days non-stop, it was the first time the water was ever actually flowing, the whole not letting them go out there was because I didn't want them to get wet! The day after it stopped raining, no more water...get it? Not a hazard, really just water flow. Dangerous?! I really might do some harm to him on this one.

Clients left and never returned. Lesson learned here. Deal with Super not taking a nap and never have Scooter around when you are trying to sell a house. And did I mention Super woke up when they went in her room? Yep. Like I said AWESOME !

-Sister Scrappy

Baby Orajel?

You know... baby Orajel?
Baby.... Orajel?
Silence
Cold. Dead. Silence. Accompanied by an icy glare.  I wracked my brains.  Why, oh why would this woman not know about the magic in a tube called 'baby orajel'?

I repeated myself, yet again. More silence. Maybe, just maybe she didn't hear me. Again, repeat.  It was like one of those scenes that slows down for just a moment. I could almost see myself as if I was having an out of body episode, and my voice was low and dragging out all the syllables extra slowly.

Baaaaaabbbbbbbyyyyyyyy Orrrrrraaaaaajjjjjjjjeeeeellllll.

Nada, not one iota of acknowledgement. Zip, zilch.
Just silence, and a look of annoyance to my happy, chipper been there done that momma of 3 (at the time), unsolicited advise.

Anono-Momma "That Mom"

My daughter turned 4 years old the day before she was about to start pre-k. This meant, it was my duty and responsibility to bring snacks in for fourteen children. Not just any snack, mind you...this is a completely nut-free facility. Which means, even those items processed in the same facility as those with nuts are off- limits. So began my hunt for a un-nut contaminated snack that is relatively healthy.

Of course Whole Foods would have this, right? I immediately made plans to go. Hauling both children with me (amidst cries of "I want a chip, not a GREEN chip! Mom! a WHITE chip! Mom! and get me some bread... What are these things in the bread? Mommmmyyy!!!!") I enter the bakery section of Whole Foods. Now, I should add that having a child with food allergies myself has given me some insight myself into searching for products that will not violate the preschool policy. These products are usually found around items that contain, for example, carob...or hemp...or have pictures of hippies on the packaging. But I digress.

Alas, I spot my snacks! I can seen the nut-free label from three feet away! They are cute little cookies! They are chocolate. They are hearts. Kids love chocolate and cookies and hearts! I will be loved and adored by the children and their parents!

Here is what I saw :

Great! Cute, functional, and nut-free! So the next day, I proudly presented my cookies to the teacher, patted my little birthday angel on the back and gave her a kiss goodbye.

Now cut to later on in the week. I drop my daughter off at school once again and the classroom aide comes chasing after me.."Ummmm Mrs. Anono-Momma....you forgot your....ummmm...snacks." The look on her face was one of complete dissaproval. The tone in her voice suggested that of condescention. I felt like I was in trouble, but I couldn't quite figure out why. I took the container from her and left the room.

It was about when I reached the stairwell that something caught my eye.

And then:

People, I had purchased Aphrodisiac cookies for a PRE-K CLASS!

Oh, yes I did! But it gets better! Here are pictures of what was imprinted on these little gems!

Yes, I do believe the little fish on the bottom is supposed to represent one of those little swimmers used for procreation. (ahem...s-p-e-r-m) And what in tarnation is the triangle?? So yes, I have completely gone and formed a reputation as "That Mom" in my daughters preschool class. In a United Methodist Church preschool no less. I don't quite know where to go from here. I suppose I should start dressing the part?

Famous Kid Quotes

As a Momma of five, yes F.I.V.E. kiddos, I have been around the block a few times on the parenting cruise of life.  Just when you think you have heard it all, you realize that you haven't and you make another mental note of some amazing kid quote.  I have always thought about writing a book on what my kids say. Yeah, I should get on that.  

In my free time.

How about I just share with you some goodies....


Upon scheming and dreaming up this blog, we felt strongly that although we are not hiding our names, we did not want to put them out there constantly.

So what to do? Pen names of course. After all there are some FABULOUS blogs out there with names changed for privacy.  So Sister Scrappy and I went back and forth on our names and the kiddos names all weekend when it finally came to us.... Our family names would be a take off on our husbands jobs!!! (I will let your imagination go wild on this one).

Then it came to the kiddos names, some were hard, and some were just so simply easy you cannot even begin to imagine...When we proudly told the kiddos their names, they responded in different ways.
But THE best reaction....

"Momma, what is my name?", asked Queen O'Pester
"Sweetie you ARE the Queen O'Pester!", I said with a giggle in my voice.
Upon hearing this her older sisters snickered....
I gave them the look, and they quickly covered their mouths so they wouldn't make her mad. However, Miss Queenie had a different reaction...
She grinned a HUGE grin and said with her arms stretched up high, as if she was victorious, "I'm the QUEEN!!!"

Which then made her older sisters roll with laughter.

Recently, as I laid in bed still recovering from surgery just one week prior, I woke up to this gem of a conversation....

Queen O'Pester, "Aren't you going to wash your hands?"

Pint O'Pester, in the most annoyed voice possible, "NO... I NEVER wash my hands!"

(Go ahead and say, oh she must be referring to before dinner... right)

Of course I will never forget the other night when THE pester (aka Miss Sassofrass' doggie) was barking MADLY, standing on his hind legs scratching on the sliding glass door...

I yelled, (ahem asked politely), "get that DOG to stop"!
Miss Sassofrass ran to the door as she gleefully proclaimed, "blanket of SHAME", and then whipped the curtains shut so the peeper could not view his humans anymore.

Mega Pester when she was little made up the word, Neither- meaning underneath. She used it so frequently and we loved it so much that she got her whole preschool class subbing it for the real word. Which in turn made her preschool teacher loathe her parents. :-)

Miss Sassofrass Pester upon seeing her baby sister Queenie for the first time in the hospital proudly proclaimed, "I think I'll call her Elephantee'....".

Queen O'Pester loves to snuggle and says that she wants to 'Guggle". Yup not correcting her on that one either.



Pint O'Pester was/is such a stinker. MIND of her OWN. When she was 2ish almost 3, we were trying to get her to say her name. She has a difficult name to pronounce for a little one and she was speech delayed so we cut her some slack.  The conversation went something like this...

"Pint O'Pester (of course we used real names), lets practice saying your name", I said.
"Okay", she says with lots of enthusiasm.
"Can you say Pi Pi Pi Pi Pint O'Pester", I coached.
Pint O'Pester excitedly says,"Suuuuuure, Pi Pi Pi Pi (and then with a little glint in her eyes she says Miss Sassofrass".
Her sisters and I giggle and I say, "No not Miss Sassofrass, we want you to say Pint O'Pester, lets try it again, Pi Pi Pi Pi Pint O'Pester".
"Pi Pi Pi Pi Miss Sassofrass", again with a glint and a big ol' fat grin on her face.

Did I mention that she is a stinker?
Mind of her own?
How about stubborn?
Funny?
We repeated this same scenario over and over until the 2 year old claimed her victory for the day and Momma waved her white flag of defeat...

Bubba Pester, hasn't really chosen to speak yet. I will cut him slack as he is only 15 months at the present time. However, the other day he melted both Miss Sassofrass' heart and mine. When she went upstairs to go to sleep for the night.

Just as she was going she gave Bubba a big ol' kissy and said "night night Bubbaroonsky", (by the way we really do call him Bubba and any derivative there-of), and then she ran up the stairs.

Bubba looked up after her, reached his sweet pudgy hand up and said, Miss Sasso (because he didn't use her full name), come back".

Miss Sassofrassa and I both heard him and GASPED.
She came bolting right back down the stairs and scooped him up and covered his face with Sasso kisses.

Five kids? Yup!
I am blessed beyond words.
And one day they will make me rich when I embarrass them with my book....
Muhahahahahaha

The Blue Dot

"Back in the day" I used to watch the Rosie O'Donnell show. One particular episode I watched had a pivotal effect on my parenting technique...It was when she was talking about one of her kids having a lying problem, or something to that effect. During this same episode she revealed an amazing parenting tool...

"The Blue Dot"

G.E.N.I.U.S.

The blue dot, can be used on any small child and can be whipped out at any time. When you "know" your child is lying...you tell them you see the blue dot on their forehead.

(Did I mention genius?)

Your child inevitably will look in the mirror for the aforementioned dot, but will be unable to see it, because the sheer genius of this plot is that ONLY Mommy can see it.


Yep, that's right...
G.E.N.I.U.S.

You know those times when you think your kid is lying but you can't prove it? A ha...

The beauty of the blue dot is all kids are different.
For Scooter, shoot, he just quit fibbing all together.
Super? Well she spent countless hours trying to scrub the dot off...
Scrap Happy...this is the best, (she always cracked us up). When Scooter or Super would come tearing in the room to tattle on the offender...Scrap Happy would come running behind them ready to tell "her side of the story" with her hands OVER her forehead.

Yep...have I mentioned G.E.N.I.U.S. yet????

If this doesn't make you smile...

You are either

1. Blind.

2. You in fact are the Scare Crow from the Wizard of Oz on your own special Journey...

3. You hate kids.

4. You have something against chubby babies.

AH-HA! I knew it! You smiled!

Bubba

And if that didn't work how about a little video....

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This is Miss Sassofrass's pup 'THE pest'.

And if that didn't work how about this......................................
Nope this is NOT Mister Pester or Mister Scrappy.Just a random cool daddy with his babe. :-)

Ha ha ha

GOTCHA!!!

YOU ARE SMILING NOW!!!

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Green means Go!

So how completely annoying is it when you go to a restaurant and there is a screaming baby. Or how about when you are at the store and you see some kid literally climbing the shelves...and GOD FORBID you get stuck next to one in an airplane...OMG.....These are the thoughts EVERYONE has BEFORE becoming a Mom of a toddler. My defining moment was when I had 3 kids under the age of 6 and decided to take ALL of them grocery shopping.

It all began like this...Super...who is lovingly named "Super Scrappy" for a reason decided once we got the the store that she did not want to be there..and there was no way on God's green earth I was gonna make her. So, I am struggling (she is flailing) and I am now sweatily trying to get her into the stinkin' contraption of a cart. You know the place where they can just masterly move their legs from side to side so you can't get them in...yep, that's the one! Once I finally get her in...let's just say, it is anything but graceful..it was more like an angry shove into place, she screams. I tell her to stop.

I look around...frantically searching, and low and behold an older lady behind me...yep, here we go...I smile..she shakes her head. I tell Super to be quiet and if she is, I will get her a surprise (ahhh yes coersion) but she is not swayed, she says she wants nothing and keeps screaming....So I tell her she better quit screaming. Not only does she not stop...it turns into screams saying "You hurt me! You hurt me!" Seriously, the drama of it all. Ugghhhh...there is no reasoning with this child. So I decide to ignore her...

At this point, I have already coasted down two aisles...and to my relief, my Mama silence worked...yay me! Super is quiet and asks if she still gets a surprise..."really????Fine, behave the rest of the time and you can have one. "

During this time, we have met eye to eye the older lady down every aisle who has shaken her head at me every time. I go to put cereal in the cart and realize there are a bunch of items 6 year old Scrap Happy has added...I don't have time for this...I quickly explain why we don't grab things and put them in the cart, now to retrace my steps to put it all back.

Once we are done and in the check out lane who pulls in behind us??? That's right angry head- shaking lady...well at this point things are somewhat under control when Scooter says..."Mom, there is lettuce in our cart, lettuce is green, it is a Go Food" Thinking I can redeem my Mothering skills...I think...Aww...how can she shake her head at that? So I sweetly ask...a "go food" "What is that" He says, "We learned about it in school, green is a go food, anything green is good for you" Awesome! Love this! "Mom, guess what else is a go food?" I turn around (at this point I was lining my items up on the conveyer belt) and see his finger come out of his nose analyzing a booger.....OH NO!!!! Don't say it!!! "A boogie!" He says all proud. The lady gave me this look like, yep, I pegged you.

Confessions from Anono-momma

*DISCLAIMER*

Below are musings that could or could not be from Pester, Scrappy or any momma who is a reader of this page..... 
All names have been removed for the privacy of the participants.  
Portions of the original story may be changed... 
Why? 
Because we CAN!  MUHAHAHAHAHA

*END DISCLAIMER*

One afternoon, recently, I had a mega headache. I laid down to take a nap while my younger children were busily being supervised by the 'babysitter' (aka a movie on the TV).  When I woke up groggy still from the 20 minute cat nap (that was so delightful I had to wipe the spittle off the side of my mouth), I realized that the youngest of our children was busy trying to scamper up onto the bed I was laying on. I sighed knowing that the nap was over, whether the headache was gone or not and I needed to be Momma yet again. So I slid my legs over the edge of the bed, scooped the babe up in my arms and walked into the kitchen.  

Oblivious at the time to the mess he had created bedside....

I quickly switched to chief mode and started to whip together a 4 course meal for lunch (easy macaroni and cheese, microwaved heated hot dogs, ketchup to dip, washed off grapes and water to drink).  

Suddenly I heard the babe at my feet coughing, then choking. (An ER doctor couldn't have responded faster than this momma). I reached down grabbed that sweet baby up and flipped him upside down, all the while back-blowing and ready to go into the finger sweep when abruptly he spit out the offending object(s).

Laying on the ground in front of us were two small items...

1. A black pearl earring with small diamond enhancement.

2. A Molar.

Apparently, that stinker of a baby got into the jewelry box hidden under my bed during the 20 minutes of unconscious momma time.  He somehow managed to find the hidden stash of teeth that sometimes the tooth-fairy occasionally deposits in one of the secret drawers.  It was quite the shock to see a baby who has no molars... spit a molar out of his mouth. Oh and don't worry... his older sister was actually watching him during the babysitting/movie watching episode...

I have always said, it will be a miracle if these 

kids survive into adulthood....